Love and Garbage

For many years we have been assured by "sources within the Labour party" that Wendy the Paranoid Android/Ed "I can sing a rainbow" Balls/Yvette Cooper/Douglas "Miss Hoolie" Alexander (*) is an intellectual behemoth, a strategist of previously unencountered ability witha brain the size of a planet.  If only Wendy/Ed/Yvette/Miss Hoolie (*) had a better position, they would cry, then Labour fortunes would revive.  S/he's much better than Jack McConnell/Henry McLeish/a bowl of shreddies/Andy Kerr/Margaret Curran/JAckie Baillie/a chocolate teapot/Tony Blair/Blinky Ben/that fake cabinet minister played by the man whose name we dare not mention/Prudence the Presbyterian (*).

Unfortunately recent events have brought to our attention that Wendy/Ed/Yvette/Miss Hoolie (*) is inept/incompetent/over-promoted/detached from the real world/lacking any meaningful contact with real people.so desparate to outflank his/her (*) political opponents that s/he has no idea what his/her (*) political principles are.

This is so far removed from the prevailing media perceptions leaked to the media by the individuals concerned briefing sympathetic journalists that it is apparent that the media and trusting senior members of the Labour party have been duped on a grand scale.

Despite appearance gleaned from the peculiarly high viewing figures for Britain's Got Talent it appears the general public is less easily fooled.

(*) delete inapplicable.